If you only knew… the story of ME… the journey my moccasins
have transversed… then perhaps you would not judge me. Perhaps you would
instead give me a warm hug, or a generous pat on the back.
If you only knew… the story of US… the journey we have
endured as ONE BLOOD… then perhaps you would not see us as separate. Perhaps
you would join us in contributing to the healing of the world.
My story of struggle is not much different than yours.
Different names, different places, and different faces… but we endure this same
world together, so in truth our experiences are all connected. Thus, my story
of rising up out of turmoil, and becoming a person filled with love, happiness,
respect, and success, can be not much different than yours. We are all connected,
related through the web of creation.
What we think is what we become. Our thoughts become what we
choose to be. Look about you and observe your life. Are you happy? Are you
satisfied? If not, you must be willing to accept the responsibility for being
the ONLY one who put you in the condition you are in. Once you can do this, you
immediately open the door to transformation.
By accepting this responsibility, you are realizing your
POWER… and you are becoming a WARRIOR. Being a warrior means to take war
against the parasites of fear which live inside of you. It means understanding
that you, and only you, can change the state of who you are from within. It means
no more blaming external persons, factors, or circumstances for your personal
unhappiness, failure, or loss. You have created every circumstance in your life
through the power of your thoughts. To change your life, you must change the
nature of your thoughts.
I once had the mentality of being a victim.
As a child, I
was sexually, emotionally, and physically abused by my adoptive stepfather. I
didn’t even realize that I was being “molested” until I was almost 19 years
old! I was the epitome of “Brain-washed.” I took a stand once I knew that what
was happening was wrong, and put him away for his mistakes for 10 years.
However, my healing had only just begun. I struggled for 11 more years to
understand my worth as a wombyn, to free myself from the acceptance of abuse by
men, and to raise my standards and ideals to the highest level. At 31 years
old, I can proudly say that I have only just now begun to BE my true self. I
don’t blame anyone else for my circumstances, nor do I allow anyone to treat me
abusively. I love myself and cherish myself, and it is empowering to know that
my thoughts, my fears, are what kept me a prisoner of my own mind for so long!
I used to be racist… especially against myself. My mother is
Irish and Iroquois Indian, and my father is Lakota. Growing up with an abusive
and racist stepfather, I learned to hate the darker color of my skin. I used to
wish I was white so that I could fit in with everyone else around me. After I
escaped that reality, I began to explore my roots, and true culture, and
discovered that I could be proud of the Native blood I carried. I became
passionate about our culture and history.
I remember I used to think that running was my greatest
physical challenge. I never thought that I could run more than 3 miles at a
time. But just yesterday, after telling my body over and over that it is
amazing, and in the best shape of its life, I was able to complete a 4.5 mile
jog in just 50 minutes only 7 weeks after having my 5th child! I am
absolutely amazed at the power of my own mind.
I also used to believe that I was ugly, stupid, and would
never amount to anything, because I believed the lies that others fed to me. I
ate their emotional poisons and they became a part of my thinking. Thus, I
struggled for so many years being unsuccessful, abused, and with zero
confidence because I believed that I deserved it.
Now I know my worth. Now I see that I am sacred. I see that
I am beautiful. I know who I am. And there is not one person on this Earth
whose emotional poisons I will ever eat again. There is no one or thing who can
make me happy, or heal me, or even hurt me, besides me. I have taken responsibility,
and I am the Creator of the joy and blessings in my life. This is the lesson
that Creator has taught me: He can only help me, bless me, guide me, when I
open up my mind, my thoughts to him. My surrender was the day my healing took
place and my transformation began into this person I’ve always dreamed of being!
I am so much more than my thoughts once led me to believe. Finally my life is what
I want it to be. Finally I am happy to be who I was created to be!
This is pray upon all my relatives, of all colors, cultures,
and ways of thinking: realization of the power of your mind, your thoughts. We
do have the power to heal our world, and it begins from within. Do not eat the
emotional poisons of others, but ingest the seed of love and let it blossom
with positivity and the knowing that you are perfect, you are whole, and you
are blessed in the image of Creator. What happened yesterday is in the past and
there it will always remain. It is destructive to hold onto things which no
longer exist. It is constructive to let go and be thankful for what remains. To
all my Indigenous relatives, this is a reminder that WE ARE STILL HERE, despite
the largest unacknowledged genocide having been endured for generations. We
must be careful not to allow the abuses we were taught to continue on at our
own hand! We must not become the oppressor! Be the warrior, and take war
against the parasites in your own mind: anger, hatred, racism, fear, separation,
and revenge.
I pray especially for all the children, that they may be
protected from abuse and negativity. They are not responsible for their
external circumstances until they become adults. Until then, it is the responsibility
of the adults in their lives to offer them the ideal circumstances. And this
cannot happen unless the adult is a healed and positive being. Until then, the
cycle of abuse and loss, depression and suicide, obesity and diabetes, etc.,
etc., will continue to thrive as it is currently in our world.
For the children of all races, cultures, and backgrounds…
With all my love,
Stephanie Big Eagle
